So the summer goes

Had a great weekend. Lindsey and Alisa had Friday off for King K. day. Saturday was regatta at Hanalei. You should google it. It's awesome. They have a few there. Lots of people, had a really nice time.

I sat under the tent or layed in the sun on a towel and read a novel, start to finish. Called Good in Bed. Written by the same lady that wrote In Her Shoes. Very good read. About a fat girl that breaks up with her boyfriend, struggles with her weight, ends up pregnant, becomes BFF's with a super famous actress, sells a screen play, falls in love with a doctor who loves her even though she's fat. So this book really spoke to me right now, the whole fat girl thing anyway. Don't plan on getting famous or pregnant ;).

Got a little bit of a sunburn, not too bad considering I didn't wear sunscreen again. I really tried hard to flip every few minutes (when my body started getting hot) and stayed in the shade most of the day. We got there at 9:30 and left at like 6:00! It was a crazy long day. I never ate! I was so into the book. The kids, however, had a blast. Spent most of the day in the water. Trent made a little friend, which was GREAT! But what wasn't great was the sunburn they got on their faces. Trent got a blister on his ear and Julia got blisters on her nose. I feel like SUCH a bad mom. While they got sunscreen reapplied to their bodies, I forgot about their faces. I HATE when they get hurt. I always take it as a failure on my part as a mom, like I am an unfit mom because they got a sunburn. A little unreasonable, I know. But as a mom, (and you reading this are mostly moms) you feel responsible for everything and hate to know your kids are hurting and you could have revented it. So enough about that.....

Julia was over playing in the water alone (since trent was with the boys and Jackie and the girls left early) so she crawled into a beach chair, put a towel over her completely except her face, and fell asleep. For LIKE AN HOUR! I finally woke her up and made her come into the shade and drink some water. She then went back to sleep for another good half hour. Trent, on the other hand, only came back for food or when required. He took his rash guard off, then went back on the boogie board for like 2 hours. That was a bad idea. He came back for more sunscreen and had a HUGE rash all over his bely. Lindsey sprayed him down with sunscreen and he SCREAMED and cried. Poor guy. On one hand, I was like "well, if you had left your rash guard on while you used the boogie board..." but I really felt bad for him cause I know that hurt!

Ok, enough of the play by play! We had a good time. It was a nice break from reality. Cause reality was rough that night, just sayin. Things have to get worse before they get better right? Feeling really really confused after a period of extreme clarity. I felt so sure for a day or two, now I am back to confused. Stupid emotions. Whoever invented them was obviously not a debater. It would be much better if my rational mind was allowed free reign.

Feeling a little out of sorts

You ever have one of those days where it feels like someone put a blindfold on you, spun you around in circles until you puked, then gave you a stick and left? Yeah, I kinda feel like that. I havent had anything that even looks like a lead on a job. I am going to go see a councelor on friday, hopefully that will help. I have not been myself for a long time and hopefully talking to someone will help me get back to happy.

I sat and had a good cry with Lindsey last night, thanks sis. Sometimes you just can't hold it in anymore. Or you don't even realize you are holding it in. You just open your mouth and everything comes out. Things you didn't even know you were feeling. It's kinda scary. Cause once you say it, you're like DAMN. where did that come from?

My best friend in the whole wide world has been noticably absent, he is going through some stuff right now too and is focusing on that. It's hard to feel like you are drifting farther away from the people who matter most to you. I've been really bad lately about just shutting people off. So for those of you I've done that to, I'm sorry. Kinda hard to have friends when you don't really want to talk to anyone cause you don't know what to say.

So I am trying to not be a debbie downer. I am trying to not burden everyone else with my problems. I know, that's what friends are for. But there is only so much negative your friends can handle before they don't want to be around you anymore. So I am trying to reserve my bitching! Right now I am just trying to enjoy time with my sister and my kids. Hopefully the weather will be nicer this weekend. While it's not cold or consistently raining, it is super windy.

I need to get my camera out and start using it. Just really feel incredibly uninspired. Maybe soon. I'll try to be better about posting, although most people visit this blog for scrappy purposes. I didn't bring any scrapbooking stuff with me at all this summer. Yep, DEPRESSING. but I was packing a ton of bags anyway and really didn't feel up to scrapping, so why go through the hassle of bringing stuff with me, just to have it sit and take up space where there really isn't any.

Hasta for now.

No Pictures...

Just an update. My friend that usually emails me and says "hey hun, you're slacking off on the blog. You need to post SOMETHING." hasn't emailed me in a while.

The kids and I are in Kauai staying with my sister. Yes, I have been intentionally vague and will remain that way until such a time when I feel like I need to say something. So for now, we are here. We got here last wednesday, coming up on one week. It's been fabulous the whole time. Avoiding major sunburns so far, only tiny ones where sunscreen application has been funky.

Got to go out on Lindsey and Alisa's 2 man OC for the first time. Just went out a little ways in the bay, it was fun. A little scarey. You always feel like you are going to flip over. I have retarded shoulders, so paddling for me can be rough. But I had a good time, sucked a little bit of air.

So just looking for a job. No luck so far. Never have had such a hard time finding gainful employment. Usually, I get the job I want. So this is a bit different for me. In a week, I have had no real prospects. Thought I may have a job at a bakery, but don't think that is going to work out. Guess the people applying for a job just outnumber those of us looking. Maybe I just need to give it more than a week...

Well, I guess that's it for now. Coming up on my Dirty Thirty at the end of the month. Feel a little torn about that. Not going to be with MY friends to celebrate, which sucks. I want to do something FUN. Kick off my thirties with a bang. But I have family, so we'll see what we end up doing.

Swamps and Such

Last week I took an afternoon to drive around. My intent was to find spanish moss to shoot. i LOVE it. But of course all the swamps/bayous I found were awesomely absent of the stuff. So here are a few pictures I made while out running around.

Thanks for looking. I enjoy sharing with you all.

My Future Secretary of State

Yep, it's that time of year. school is out tomorrow. Another year has flown by with not much to show for it except a few new teeth, 2 garbage bags of clothes that don't fit anymore, and a noticable lack of kids plates and bowls. Where does it go? Seriously? This year has gone by faster than any other to date.

Today, Trent had his Kindergarten graduation from Timmons. He had a good teacher this year, we were very lucky. She suited him well. He really thrived in her class. he made new friends (not like that's hard for him) and has grown in his little personality. I know it's not really a big deal to make it out of Kinder, but most kids I know that are held back, it happens this year. So I'm excited! It's more of a rite of passage than a real milestone.

He spent the year LOVING to wear a shirt and tie, all the time. We're talking 3 days a week or more all year. They have a school uniform which is basically navy or khaki trousers/shorts/skirt and a hunter, burgundy, white, or navy polo. Since he loves to dress in a shirt and tie so much, I asked the principal and she said he could, as long as the shirt colors were in line with the dress code. So he has worn a white or chambray dress shirt all year! He would always tell teachers that he had a meeting with President Obama on the days he wore his tie. They asked him to talk to the president about increasing teacher's pay! It was kind of a running joke all year, but trent took it very seriously.

I tell you this because at graduation, they gave out certificates to each kid, and each kid had a special talent or trait that was recognized. So there were kids who got "best smile" or "most atheletic" or "best math student". My kid, yep, he got the "Secretary of State" award! Awesome right! I was so stoked. The teacher told basically what I just did, about his dress and his meetings with Obama. It was the cutest thing ever and he got plenty of applause! I was very proud!
Ok. well, that's about it for now. I do have some photos to share, of course and later this week will have another post sharing some photos I took on a little swamp excursion Trent and I took. Things have been a little hectic around here as of late. Some personal stuff going on, that always complicates things. And the end of school, and the kids and I are heading off for Kauai again. can't wait. I'll try to be a little better about posting, heavens knows I am not scrapping. Trying to make plenty of pictures before I leave Louisiana.

suffocating

Ever have one of those days when you feel like you are suffocating in the open air? I am having one today. Feeling a bit panic-y, a bit trapped. To pass the time, I got out of the house and just drove. I haven't been many places here, No good reason, just haven't. It's too easy to get stuck in this house and let the days RUN by me. Here it is May and I have made a couple of friends, but I haven't explored my new home at all. So today I drove to Elysian Fields, then to Marshall Pottery. While I Marshall, I met a man who is a member of some Cattlemen's group out on tours of ranches all over the state. He was nice, we sat and visited while watching a potter at work. It was calming, I feel much better.

I had a whole big post typed out, then decided now is a good time to use my filter, what little I have. While I want to share, I don't know that I want to share that much with so many. It is the internet, once you post it, you cant take it back.

I did scrap today, I will post that sometime soon. Just need to shoot it. Feeling a bit BLAH right now, no telling what those photos would look like. Off to the end of the driveway to check the mail. Tomorrow is the kids' field day and I have to attend. Not happy about that because I was supposed to be working. oh well, I really didn't want to have to miss it, just don't like being told by the teacher that I need to be there. Don't they know that people have jobs? Really. Guess I am just on one today, maybe that is the problem!

coming to the end

of my temp position. The girl I am replacing is supposedly coming back tomorrow. they ahve asked me to stay on "through the middle of the month" but i think they will see once she is back that there really is nothing for me to do. So I will be able to get back to my old antics.

I keep going to sit down at my craft desk, but there is either limited mojo, or too mmuch that needs to get done. I applaud you working moms who keep a clean house and still have time to craft. I just don't have the time management skills or energy to do it.

Working has been a very good thing for me. I have made a new friend. I have met new people who, although I don't see myself hanging out with, have made my day a bit brighter and more fun. I am useful again, for something other than housework and babysitting. I know, I know, it's an important job, blah blah blah. But when i tell people I am a stay at home mom, they look at me like "oh, wow. so you aren't smart enough or ambitious enough to have a real job." the conversation slows, like i wouldnt be able to hold my own because i take care of my kids. If you aren't a SAHM, you can't possibly understand. Just trust me when I say that it's not a good feeling.

It's been nice to earn a little money in my own name for once. Not that I make enough to make a dent, but enough to feel like my days have been of use. My first pay check I took out, bought groceries, a birthday gift, and some stuff at sams club and came home with $60. A whole weeks work, chaos at home, and I made grocery money! but in the grand scheme of things, we all have to eat right.

So consider this my salute to you women who work full time jobs. It's difficult, and I am looking forward to going back to simpler times. being able to just pick up and meet luke for lunch, going to the school for things like eater egg hunts and christmas parties... I am going to miss the kids' field day later this week and that makes me sad. very sad. But it's worth an extra couple hundred bucks if it's the only chance I have to make it for a long time.

Well, all things considered, it's been a good experience. got me out, got me moving, made me realize that although my situation isn't ideal, it could be much worse. I do need a vacation from my kids. I haven't been without them for longer than they are in school since last june when i came down here to look at houses with luke. we need another getaway. I NEED ANOTHER GETAWAY! when we lived in Wyoming, I got to go to Salt Lake once a month and got out of the house for at least 18-36 hours. I miss that very much. I miss my sanity breaks.

Maybe again someday. Maybe I can talk luke into letting me take a solo road trip around the south soon for photos and junking.

Will try to play again soon, I was doing so good with this blog for a long time, and now I am a bad bad blogger. Remind me, i'll try!